Monday, June 7, 2010


So in an attempt to find the greatest mascara available to all woman-kind, I thought I’d give Lash Stiletto a go. I like lashes and I like stilettos so I thought “how can I go wrong?” I thought the television ads rather alluring with the big shoes and such. Stilettos really are quite sexy and it would stand to reason that any length-related association with stilettos would by extension also be sexy.

The package is not entirely sexy, but not entirely unsexy either. The booted legs are vaguely reminiscent of my sudo-dominatrix days with the thigh-high black patent leather boots. OK, you can’t actually see the thighs, but you get the impression that the boots go on forever. And they are not the kind of boots that you step easily into. They are the kind you have to douse yourself in baby powder to don. And then there is the mascara tube itself. Maybelline, in all of their marketing and packaging wisdom decided to make the mascara tube look like a stiletto. More tapered on one side than the other. Clever. Useless, but clever.

But then there is the issue of the product. Not the packaging, but the actual product. Because as we are all well aware at this point that the only makeup that I can apply without dire consequences is mascara. I am a sucker for it, its appeal and its claims. Lash Stiletto claims 70% longer lashes and a shiny patent finish. This would explain the patent leather boots on the package, but I’m a little unclear as how you can tell that an eyelash has a “shiny patent finish”. I mean an eyelash averages 7-9 mm in length. This is not much surface area on which to have a shiny patent finish, but I was, as always willing to give it a try.

Application was simple; 1-step, which is always a plus, but to be honest, I didn’t see anything that looked even remotely like a stiletto sticking out of my eye. That’s sort of a gross thought, but you know what I’m saying. No stilettos. My lashes looked good, but I wasn’t seeing anything to make this product stand out in the crowd of mascara (except for the sexy boots on the package). I’d give the product a 5 out of 10; perfectly mediocre as far as aesthetic.

The fun part came when I went to remove it. In much the same way that I don’t use a lot of different makeup products, I also don’t use a lot of makeup removing products. Actually I use no makeup removing products. I use one cleanser on my face and if it doesn’t work to remove whatever I have applied that day, I just scrub harder. 50 grit sandpaper couldn’t have scrubbed this hard enough. I had raccoon eyes until I scrubbed so hard that really soft, sensitive skin under my eyes was red. (Maybe they do that on purpose so you’ll buy the eye wrinkle fixer-cream.) In Maybelline’s defense, they do tell users to use Maybelline New York Eyes Moisturizing Eye Makeup Remover to get the stilettos off, but I think they should make removal easy for the average consumer, not just the Maybelline groupie. Maybe that’s just me though. Perhaps I have it all wrong and in order to look my best I really must have the entire product lineup, application and removal. No way, I don’t buy it.

The stilettos were a bust as far as making my lashes look like a pair of boots out of a NY nightclub, and removing it was worse than getting out of a latex bodysuit, but in a pinch I suppose it’ll work. There’s no real reason not to use Lash Stiletto, it did just fine as far as mascara goes, it just didn’t live up to its 70% claims. Go figure.

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